Alabama Angel

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

May 5

My trouble is insomnia. If I had always slept properly, I'd never have written a line. -- Louis-Ferdinand Celine

I was up past midnight not being able to sleep of course. I tossed & turned, flipped & switched, huffed & puffed, got up & paced, went to the bathroom, paced some more, layed back down, started the whole process over again until about 5 this morning. I have been up since. I have re-organized, or organized as it is in my case, the bags I have been living out of for the last month. I hop on the computer & there is this quote. I thought, how appropriate.

My month without my husband is almost up, almost over, we're almost back together physically speaking. Maybe that is why I can't sleep. I can't tell you how much beter I sleep when he is there. I never thought I would say that about anyone. I was an only child, always slept alone. I didn't even like it when I had friends spend the night & slept in the same bed. I didn't like anyone being near me at bedtime & if someone actually rolled over & touched me I was furious & wanted to go get in the spare bedroom & usually did. What happened to me? I still prefer a king size bed. I don't sleep well with someone touching me, but I sleep better if we cuddle before hand. I guess it gives my mind the illusion that everything is ok & it can shut down & let me sleep. Just trying to use my amateur psycho-analization skills. That may not be it at all.

Like I said, I am glad that I will be in one place for about three weeks. Maybe I will feel like I am not living out of a bag or two, but probably not. Still virtually homeless for a while. This too is temporary. I will miss m son who will be staying here. We celebrated Mothers Day a little early just hanging out together. And I will miss having access to a computer. It has been nice to be able to pick it up & use it at any time. Made me feel like I had an outlet to be able to write whether anyone reads or not. I will miss it. But this too is temporary, right? In a few short months when we are stationary for the coming year, we are still hoping that my son & I both have part time jobs, mine maybe full time. It won't take long to save up for a decent computer. I would rather do without until I can save up to have something I really want instead of spending half or three quarters as much for something I don't want & will resent using. That has never made sense to me. I have been doing without for this long, another couple of months isn't going to break me, right. It might however make a larger break in my communication on my blog. Sorry about that.

So these are the early morning ramblings of an Army Wife. Today is laundry, packing, get it all done Last minute junk day before I head out tomorrow morning. I just hope I am this awake tomorrow morning this early That won't happen though. that would be too much like my body NOT working against me.

With my about to be seeing my DH for the first time in a month, I wish I felt better about myself. I need a haircut, color, nails done, pedicure, and a facial & massage & wax wouldn't hurt either. I feel like I am coming apart at the seams. What I wouldn't give to feel better about myself at this point . . . .

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