April is now gone. As I enter May, I haven't seen my husband in over three weeks. I am counting down the days. As I type I am enjoying the sweet Alabama rain. Before it started, the air was hot, thick, muggy. The rain came & cooled things off, washed some of the green sticky coating of pollen off of everything. I am on the deck here at my parents house listening to the sweet music of the rain dancing off the leaves of all these trees. It is intoxicating. The whole yard here is nothing but trees, a totally natural yard. When you are on the deck here looking out, you just see the trees. Makes you feel sort of like George of the Jungle (or Georgina, maybe for those of us of the female persuasion). The privacy these trees offer is a rare find.
May is not just a new beginning for school to be out at the end. For us it is a season of change also. We have a lot of changes going on. A lot of activity. Our ever-changing Army life affords us many opportunities. I have less than a week left here in Alabama & then I will be in Georgia the remainder of the month. We will be doing so much back & forth this summer, I won't know whether I am coming or going. I will just have to stop & catch up with myself at some point.
I housesat/dogsat for a friend last month & thoroughly enjoyed it. A reprieve. It started to feel like home after a month.
We are in limbo right now. We gave up our house on post. I don't think either of us liked it from the start. It was not a good experience for us. When we are back there, we will live off post. I think we will both enjoy it more off post. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about it. I know it will be better off post. Now if I could just be closer to civilization, I don't think I would mind it at all.
As you move around a little, get out of your comfort zone, you realize things about yourself. I now know, I am a suburb gal. I NEED a suburb to survive. I feel like I'm suffocating if there isn't a mall or a Target nearby. Funny that I was raised an hour away from a decent mall. You would think it was just what I was raised with, but no. But it is what I have gotten used to. I crave conveniences. I like having a Starbucks near whether I have the money to go or not is irrelevant. I have the option there. I have also learned that not all small towns are friendly, especially military towns. Why? I'm not so sure yet. Maybe I have some more growing to do before I figure that one out. You'd think they'd be especially friendly. Not the case. Also learned that just because it is in the South does NOT mean that everyone or an establishment knows Southern Hospitality or it's rules. Big eye opener. Actually, lots of them.
When I write, if you've noticed that my subject matter tends to be scattered, well, that is just how my mind works. Another thing I think will make me happier living off post when we have to go back to GA is that I am praying for walls painted something other than white. All walls are white on post housing. I would love some designer color painted walls. Sometimes it's the little things that keep you from going crazy, right? Like a gallon of Behr Paint! haha We're trying to make changes that move us forward & make us happier & more productive as a family. Paint is one of them.
I intend to get a part time job (as does Rod, my son) before summer is over. And during the next year, I want to return to college. My goal is to be thru with one part of college before Rod is ready to go to college. Just a plan.
When I started this blog, I had no idea I would be without a computer. It is hard for me to regularly keep up without computer access. But it helps to get my thoughts out so I continue whether it is read or not. A lot gets left out. It is just where I am right now, not where I will always be. I keep reminding myself of this. It helps me not to wallow in self-pity at my situation or the situations I get myself into.
When my husband had to leave temporarily with work, I went with him that morning. We are in the damp cold dark with his bags & a bunch of other soldiers. Most of which are young enough to be my husbands child (not mine, I am still a baby myself--it's ok to laugh at that). I noticed that only about 4 had wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, S/O's there. I understand that it is early morning (2 or 3) and that some of them have small children & no one to watch them. But I was amazed at that. They were all going to be away from us for a month. I wouldn't have missed those last moments unless my husband specifically asked for me not to be there. When the soldiers were called into formation, even though I knew only 2-3 total including my husband, seeing them in formation out there in the dark in the early morning made me swell with pride, American Pride. And knowing that one of them belongs to me, well, that was my personal pride. I was almost awestruck. You would think that is something you get used to, but you don't. There is jsut something SO hot aobut your man in ACU's!
Just like everytime I see the memory walk (a tree for every soldier lost in battle from there), I want to cry. I don't know those soldieres. I don't know their family. It's just a bunch of trees in a row I tell myself. But I see them. They are a physical reminder of someone's child that was lost in war.
When you hear the shot when a company is deploying from your post, you may not know any of them. I had just moved to our post when I heard it for the first time & even though it caught me unaware, a tear rolled down my cheek. And before I knew it, that tear was not alone. Does it ever become old hat? I dunno. I guess some more growing will tell me. I wonder, when it is time, and when it is my soldier, how am I going to react? How am I possibly going to hold it together & be strong for him? I will. I have to. I will because I have to. I am determined to. It is my goal. I cannot fall short on it. I must think of something else. I must be there. I wouldn't miss it. But I must try to think of anything else, magically transport myself to another place during the whole festivity so I can somehow surive & be strong for him. There is a time to breakdown, but it won't be then. It will be when he gets there, when I hear from him. I will be holding my breath until then I am sure. Then, when he can't see & it can't harm his resolve for the year, I will collapse. Just another Army Wife Life.